My Twitter followers will be aware that on my self-love journey (more on that yet to come) to Belgium, I witnessed a man kill himself. I won't go into further detail about the incident, as having to relive it by retelling family, has caused me to fall back on my default position; humour. I have laughed through the ordeal, giggled through the local's reactions, and dismissed the impact it has had on me, all in an effort to deny it to my family, and myself, that it left some sort of impression on me.
Hat : ASOS | Shirt : Motel Rocks | Corduroy Trousers : Forever 21
That night, as I sat in bed alone, scared to close my eyes and dousing my brain in binge watching a TV series boxset to numb me to sleep, I suddenly felt the urge to record it. Record him. I wanted him to know, somewhere out there, that he affected someone he didn't even know; talk less of those he did. This is not a judgmental post about those who commit suicide, or an effort to understand the grief of the loved ones they leave in their wake. Rather, this post seeks to address what life means to me, in the hopes that my readers can relate and perhaps see the value of theirs too.
West Wittering beach
Life, to me, is love. To love others, and to equally love one-self. That would explain why my choice to live life to the fullest married perfectly with my self-love journey. In my opinion, learning to love myself will give me the capacity to love others in equal measure. Where the former falls short, the latter falls apart. That leaves room for malice, discontent, and other negative feelings to brood within us, eat at us, and came us to be self-destructive. Its a full cycle.
So, in my opinion, we cannot live without love. To live is to love, and to love is to live. To love oneself is the first step to fully living. That means taking the time out to know oneself, and indulge in thine-self. Apologies for the ye ol' England speak, but you get my point. We don't take the time enough to value ourselves, and live in love. We get swept up with #Goals and scampering up the career ladder to break through glass ceilings or brick ones on the property ladder, that we are devaluing that which has the highest value. Not wealth, but health. Our wellbeing. Our need to be the best being we can possibly be, in the time allotted to us. THAT is life. Life, is love.
"Life isn't supposed to be... hard" Grey's Anatomy (Season 1, Episode 6)