Self-worth and self-esteem is a topic I've been emailed to discuss on BLEURGH time and again. I've always steered well clear of it as I don't believe in sharing wisdom I am yet to adhere to. So yet again, pardon me as I scale the fence of the topic, brushing past it whimsically in order to delve into the issue in seeking it in another self instead. The image of a caped crusader may take different forms of a Marvel comics superhero depending on your generation. Either way, a Mister-fix-it is envisioned. You see, we grew up picturing there'll be this grand master who'll sweep in, dust us off our shelves and help shape us into the image of perfection.
Sadly, these relationship idols hold no water in reality, because in real life, you must be self-assured before seeking to carve out a unified identity with your spouse. Otherwise, you'll find yourself falling for the mindset that without bae, there's something wrong with you and you fall short of world-set standards thus settling for lesser halves in a bid to feel whole. The solution? Find yourself and purpose first before aligning it to someone else's. Otherwise, you're setting sail on a ship that's bound to be rocked/ capsized by turbulence ahead.
Dinner at OXO Tower
You see, we tend to idolise working relationships, without choosing to learn the craftsmanship that goes into its mechanics. I remember asking my network for its definition, and being moved by one in particular; love is living a life of self-sacrifice. That is perfectly exemplified in Christianity through Jesus' perfect sacrifice upon the cross, but can we take it down a notch and try to adopt that in our everyday lives?
We live in such an instant world; everything at our fingertips. This is seeping into our relationships through dating websites, apps and social media. People aren't taking the time to find out about one another because online profiles are one-stop-shops of data on your partner, and status updates cut out the hard work of the psychoanalysis that is paramount to learning about your partner and growing together. The concept of a final-stop union is so alien in our world where all things are transitional. Relationships are no longer viewed as an investment to a life long commitment, as we are so easy to terminate our journeys once we hit a bump. Just look at divorce rates worldwide as proof of this. Our impatient generation are not willing to work towards building a union daily, like our predecessors. People don't have great marriages by allowing them to just exist. We fail to understand that relationships are tasking, and take time, diligence & intricate care in order to reap it's rewards in full.
"When you love someone, you sacrifice" Kiera Cass, The One