NOTICE: I thought long and hard about this, but have decided to shut down my YOUTUBE Channel. I found lots of Youtubers had heeded to my wise words of creating engaging content that met the needs of their audience, far beyond the fickle realm of fashion & beauty. Thus, I saw no real need to endeavour to penetrate the already saturated market of online gurus. I hope you will respect my decision and see that the purpose is fulfilled by others. I will continue to voice my concerns & share my views on the Blogger platform & thank you all for your continued support. Also, please let me know your thoughts on the new layout & design of BLEURGH!
Top : BANK | Shorts : Primark
Back to the regularly scheduled program: You may all be aware that I struggled with toxic friends and trust in the past. Well, this prompted a friendship detox, and I have no regrets. Having received another wedding invitation from a good friend, it prompted me to think about who I'd invite to mine in the future, now that I've whittled down my circle to the bare minimum. My mother always advised growing up that "one should be able to count their good friends on one hand", and past my rebellious teens, I have now seen the light in my twenties. However, that's no shade on the reality that a bigger social circle is being compromised by trust, which isn't a bad thing, but not necessarily the best in light of future social events.
The term 'frenemy' was birthed in the early noughties, when popular culture was still obsessed with the IT Girls' social circles a la Paris Hilton and Alexa Chung. The dictionary definition states that frenemies are people "with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry". This week saw the dramatic exit of a frenemy in my life. We had ended things on bad terms nearly a year ago, yet her presence was still evident on my social media accounts (i.e. Facebook) and there were still awkard tip-toe-tactics being adopted during social gatherings to ensure our paths never crossed. That's a lot of effort to make on another's behalf, and quite frankly, she was right for cutting the umbilical cord of anguish that was our friendship (no shade).
I found the whole scenario quite intriguing; why had I chosen to leave her in my life in light of all the warning signs? What benefit did a ghost of a friend serve in a social circle? Do all friends have to be good friends, or is it still healthy to have friends with benefits? Well, it prompted me to draft (fans of How I Met Your Mother will be familiar with this) a pros & cons list:
CONS of FRENEMIES
- Subject to constant negativity - serves no purpose other than to deplete one's esteems, confidence and dreams.
- Shifted blame culture - improperly place fault, thus creating a culture where you constantly question yourself, values and foundation. Remember, if you "stand for nothing, [you] fall for everything"
- Lose Yourself - unsure of who to turn to and thus, you develop trust issues
Headband : Debenhams | Necklace : NEXT (Thrifted) | Bag : Longchamp
PROS of FRENEMIES
- Creates awareness - churn their negativity to positivity and cultivate it into means of self-development
- Inspiration for aspiration - sometimes God places people in our lives that are blessed with our prayer requests. It is not to deter us from our dreams but to motivate us to aspire to greater heights and observe where they have failed, in order to better steer our lives to the path of success
- Develops B*tch Bank - Ricocheting shade and reads is no small feet. Thus, frenemies encourage you to develop your vocabulary and witty diction, and better manage your anger.
Christian Nestell Bovee - "False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade."