Tuesday, March 06, 2012

The Scarlet Letter

34 comments
I tweeted about my current dilemma that life is emulating fiction, and the two are oddly becoming one. I'm currently reading a diary-log short novel (mindless drivel to unwind on TfL  after gruelling a 9-5) aptly titled 'The Last Year of being Single' by Sarah Tucker & its strange that after each daily read, I encounter what I've just read. The matter under examination in this post has been brewing since my trip back from Nigeria, but now I feel it right to vent as I'm feeling inspired.
POLYGAMY ~ ~ CHEATING ~ ~ INFIDELITY ~ ~ ADULTERY
All cowardice in my eyes; cheap stunts. I was always aware of the error of this action from a young age. Brought up in a strong Christian home, 10 Commandment lessons were drummed in before I learned the alphabet (I joke! Don't call Child Support on Mother-dearest). Not forgetting having watched Demi Moore in 'The Scarlet Letter' before i'd even crossed the pond, so I was probably around 8 or 9 (yet again, don't sue the 'rents as I'm sure that wasn't rated PG...whoops!) by the time I'd fully grasped the concept that deviating from your marital union, was wrong. 
 Jacket : Boutique (Croydon) | Shirt : Gift from **NeeNee | Skinnies : ZARA
If you're cheating or finding the need to look elsewhere for sexual, physical or emotional gratification, then something's wrong somewhere.
"He can do whatever he likes outside, but as soon as he walks through THAT door *points at respective matrimonial home entrance*, he knows who's the boss"
I've heard this line uttered one too many times, whether it be from young girls, or old married wives. Its pathetic! Who are you fooling? Why are women condoning such trifling behaviour? In Nigeria, I was exposed to married men who were openly pursuing girls fresh out of highschool...it was DISGUSTING! Fair enough the Aristos (young gold-digging girls prowling for sugar-daddies to fund their extravagant lifestyles) were also to blame, but the elderly men should know better. I was traumatised when a married man at the after-wedding party fed, watered and proceeded to 'harvest' a sideline bird he'd picked up for the night. Looking through the dog's camera, I discovered he had a wife and two kids at home...I was distraught, and made no secret that I didn't approve of his shenanigans. But who was I but a British stoosh chic who wasn't gonna put out for the night? He moved on, and up to the hotel room with his conquest. VILE!
 Bag : ZARA | Watch : Michael Kors | Rings : Dorothy Perkins / Swarovski 
Pumps : H&M
I tweeted about a co-worker's friend who'd just discovered her husband was cheating, and was now seeking legal advice (or protection). Infidelity is something I cannot fathom, especially when lies are involved. But the contrast is equally devastating in my eyes. When women commit to an 'open relationship', knowing fully well that their boo is getting jiggy with some next broad in his down time. How is that okay? I am forced to question whether as a product of my environment, I've become too much influenced by the Western-Feminist ideals that strength doesn't essentially lie in numbers, to BLEURGH an unbiased view. Why is it not universally accepted to be intolerant to infidelity?
I know some women will read this post and laugh at how naive I am...i can assure you, it wont be the first time. What I want to ask, is why it should be thought 'naive' to NOT expect a man to wander off in quest for different soil to sew his seed? It irks me that this 'standard' is now translating to media, and we all know thats how certain acts become socially accepted as the norm. Think back to when Christina Aguilera had the 'Beautiful' video with the two men kissing, and what grief MTV caused by banning it, and think to now where no soap opera or TV drama is complete without a gay/lesbian scene.
Basketball Wives commenced, showcasing the bitter ex-spouses of NBA-adulterers & commitment-phobes, and now we see a season where the baddest b*tch in the game seems comfortable marrying a man with a cheekily liberal notion of 'commitment'. Its been cited as 'unnatural' for a man to be expected to settle down with just one woman for life. Historians can pinpoint kings and illiterate retards can point to village chiefs and traditions, which highlight the pride of a man in acquiring more spouses. Is it merely a modern phenomenon to entrap a man in a monogamous relationship? Expensive childcare and 'social standards', are they all but excuses to cage a man in the unnatural act of being in a sole partnership for life? I think not...i think its as simple and Man meets Woman, Man marries Woman, they live happily ever after. No complications, but a simple equation.
Onyxsta says...BLEURGH!! 
"You took something perfect, and painted it red" Daniel Merriweather. Xisses

34 comments:

  1. I love this post. Infidelity is wrong. My marriage unfortunately ended that way and I refused to be a 'wife' that accepts a husband that steps out. Its easier to succumb to a life of sin than to work hard to strive to represent the glory of God in this day and age.

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    1. I'm glad you were touched by what I wrote, and felt inclined to share. I'm so sad that you had to experience that, but I'm thankful that you came out a strong woman. *sigh* Guess society just got lazy and men just don't see the need in putting in hard work to make one union work when there are other woman out there. Its a shame

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  2. Cheating and infidelity I have no patience for, but Polygamy and Open relationships, now that I'll leave to whoever decided of their own free will to go into it. Good luck to them as nothing is guaranteed, not even monogamy.

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    1. NO PATIENCE FOR AT ALL! Completely agree with you. Yes, people should be respected for the choices they make, but whats the point in getting with someONE if you have the option of getting with others? Who are you fooling?

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  3. wow, can i just say.. I LOVE THAT BAG! look on the bright side.. you have an awesome bag! if you're selling it for cheap in the next few weeks then buzz me lol

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    1. LOL don't think i'll be selling this bag anytime soon I'm afraid. They still have it in stores...

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  4. You are not naive dear, you just know what you are worth. Unfortunately not everyone knows their self worth and therefore can be taken advantage of. Nice purse!

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    1. Thank you. And yes, I just hope to find someone who can recognise my worth & not take advantage of it. So many women have been broken, and I hate to see strong women falter in the arms of a careless man who didn't know how to deal with her heart *sigh*

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  5. Interesting post,I totally agree with everything u pointed out. Open relationships and Cheating aint a thing for me,I was lucky to meet and settle with my first love at a very young age but even still I know what I'm worth and what I want. If a man wants to go elsewhere for sexual,emotional and physical and emotional then no point of a Marriage/relationship. U might as well be single if u can't commit to each other and be satisfied with what u have.

    U look great btw!

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    1. I'm SO happy for you. Its unions like yours that make me optimistic. There are good men out there. Monogamous men are not extinct LOL

      And thanks darl xx

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  6. I completely agree with you and don't believe it's naive to think that. Infidelity is something that just shouldn't happen, regardless of the situation. You are not ready for marriage until you can control your greed.

    http://ninety2wo.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you sweetie and YES! I totally agree with that line of thinking

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  7. Great look! Love it alot!

    http://thefashioninbox.blogspot.com

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  8. You look beautiful. Please don't let the actions of others let you down.

    Fashion Dawgs

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    1. Very true. Its easy to let others' experiences dictate your life and actions, but I will harken to your words and remain optimistic that there are still good guys out there :)

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  9. Nice look
    http://shana-style.blogspot.com

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  10. "He can do whatever he likes outside, but as soon as he walks through THAT door *points at respective matrimonial home entrance*, he knows who's the boss"

    I find this statement pathetic and annoying, but this is just practically the mentality of most women in Nigeria. It is sad.

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    1. such a disgusting mentality. And yes, nigerian women love to just spit it out. Gets on my nerves

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  11. I don't think you sound Naive at all, it's good to have an opinion on these matters! And the jacket...love it!

    http://www.TheFreshFactorGC.com

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  12. Great look, gotta love the bag!

    xx, http://in-heelsandwedges.blogspot.com/

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  13. I cannot express how much I agree with every single point you've made. Infidelity is wrong and should not be accepted by anyone, whether man or woman. Point. Blank. Period.

    But in the society we live it, it is unfortunate that a lot of women have been brain washed to believe that it is completely okay for your husband to cheat as long as he comes back home to you, of which I just cannot fathom.

    Great post! & No, you are not naive lol. I want that bag & your jacket too! xx

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    1. LOL this 'essay' was well worth the read. I agree, it is NOT okay for men to cheat, as equally as its NOT ok for women to accept that its the norm to cheat. I can't fathom that whole 'he comes back to me' thing, and I wish women would start respecting themselves and re-evaluating their self-worth. I just hope to never fall in such an unhappy situation in the future, and pray the same for you and all my readers x
      (female OR male...cos women cheat too)

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  14. I completely agree with you! It gives me a headache when I hear how people practically defend a man for cheating with stupid reasons like it's in his biology or it's bound to happen anyway, it makes me stray from even wanting a relationship because if it's inevitable for him to cheat why even try the severity of the damage caused by cheating isn't taken as strongly as it used to for reasons I will never understand

    www.deejayspeaks.blogspot.com

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    1. there's no such thing as in his 'biology'
      That crap just grates me...BLEURGH!!

      Yeah...don't think i'll ever understand that either *sigh*

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  15. so in love with that Zara bag! www.casualglamorous.com

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  16. totally agree about cheating!!! its something I can never tolerate in a relationship!!
    love the look...i wonder why i never go that zara bag?? :(

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  17. I love that jacket so much i could scream !!
    you look gorge !! xx

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  18. I am in love with this look

    http://thatsjusttutu.blogspot.com/

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  19. Everyone keeps saying dey can't stand infidelity and cheating. Trust me,no1 does and I'm sure d women it happens to didn't pray for such a life till they got married. I dnt support divorce/seperation except if it has come to d case of physical abuse. We should rather talk about ways of how to deal with diz issues wen it happens and wat women shld do but not advising dey leave dia home wen dia husband is caught cheating. And to those who say,dia husbands dnt cheat. Just say u r fortunate enuf not to av foundout yet or he respects u too much dat he isn't giving u any reason to suspect him.#think about it#

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